The Spouse’s Deployment Motto

12 Oct

Jill Bozeman, 17 year veteran Army Spouse, and founder/national director of Operation Faithful Support, Inc.

If you can grow apart, then you can also grow back together!

The pre-deployment jitters are laden with questions:  “What if he changes? What if I change? What if we fall out of love?”   Well, I’m about to say something that no one else may tell you.  And you may not like it at first, but in the end, you will be so thankful I was honest.

Here is the plain truth:  he will change.  And for that matter, you will change!  And if you fall out of love, which is entirely possible if your love is based upon feelings, then you will just have to work at getting that love back on track!  As a spouse of sixteen years, I can tell you this:  if our being together were based upon feeling the love, we’d have been divorced a hundred times over!

Feelings are NOT reliable.  They are as flaky as Lindsey Lohan.   Making decisons based upon feelings is like asking Ms. Lohan for career counseling.  Eeek!!!

It is possible that his return may not be as dreamily romantic as you had thought it was going to be.  Do not despair!  My husband and I were still banging out the nuts and bolts of reintegration at the 10 month mark.  This, by the way, is FAR past the expiration date of the typical 30-90 day “norm”.  (As far as “normal” goes….anything that is abnormal, is normal.)

After the first couple of days or weeks (which, I admit, can be “dreamily romantic”), the new wears off and the reintegration begins.   Some seem to reintegrate seamlessly, but keep your eye steady and don’t compare.  “Others” are not you.  And things aren’t always what they seem.

Reintegration is “restoration to a unified state”.  Sometimes the restoration process takes time.  And work.  We have to work at “growing back together”.   You and your husband put a lot of time and effort into building the relationship before the deployment.  Rebuilding takes a similar investment, only this time, it is powered by commitment rather than those euphoric hormones that attracted us.

In the end, military marriages are unique.  And just because someone has coined the phrase “the new normal” does not mean our lives are normal at all.  And that is okay.  Be willing to stand strong for your Military Marriage.  It’s worth it.  You are worth it, and your family is also worth it!!!

Jill Bozeman is a committed, 17 year Army Wife, and the founder and dirctor of Operation Faithful Support, Inc, a grassroots, pro-marriage educational support program for the spouses of deployed service members.  She and her husband, SFC Wade Bozeman, and their two children are stationed in Fort Knox, Kentucky.  For more information about OFS, please visit  www.operationfaithfulsupport.com.

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5 Responses to “The Spouse’s Deployment Motto”

  1. Mischelle October 13, 2011 at 2:25 am #

    I love this site Jill! I will be back often. Your fb site has helped me a lot this site will be the icing on the cake. Thank you!

    • Jill October 13, 2011 at 5:47 am #

      Mischelle, thank you for your gracious comment! We are doing our best to make OFS more accessible. And there is definitely more to come!!!

  2. Jana October 14, 2011 at 12:06 pm #

    I am so happy to see this site! I just put my husband on a plane last Friday for a year deployment. I just talked to him and in about an hour he “jumps over the pond” for the next year. He will be home October 12, 2012 – a year from this post. Yes, I will miss him terribly. But, I know how important this is to him. It’s what he does…Thankfully, there are three of us in our marriage. Even if I can’t be with him and he can’t be with me, we both know He is with us both. I will be watching and enjoying your blog faithfully for words of encouragement and experience…. thank you in advance!

    • Mischelle October 14, 2011 at 12:12 pm #

      Today is my Friday, it’s a rough one. We too have a 3 fold chord. We know this is what God has planned for us. Though it difficult we are both drawing near to our Savior. We know if he brings us to it he wil bring us through it. Let the count down begin. God Bless all of our Troops!

  3. Jill S. Bozeman October 26, 2011 at 5:09 pm #

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